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Bancuri cu unguri (IV)

I.

Ion e suspectat ca l-a ucis pe vecinul lui ungur. Ion neaga si povesteste intamplarea:
– Pai am iesit eu afara cu o banana ca sa moara Istvan de ciuda ca el n-are si dupa aia am aruncat coaja la el in curte. No, si a iesit el afara, in curte, s-a impiedicat de coaja si a cazut in furca mea de trei ori…

II.

I: Cum dai un ungur jos dintr-un copac?
R: Taindu-i streangul…

III.

Un englez, un francez si un ungur, intr-un avion care se prabusea.
Englezul: „Inger, Ingerasul Meu…”
Ingerul: Sari!
Sare englezul, cade intr-un lac si scapa cu viata.
Francezul: „Inger, Ingerasul Meu…”
Ingerul: Sari!
Sare francezul, cade pe o capita de fan si scapa si el.
Ungurul: „Inger, Ingerasul Meu…”
Ingerul: „…sari!”
Sare ungurul, cade pe pietre si praf si pulbere se alege din el.
In Rai, ungurul se duce la Dumnezeu si ii explica ce s-a intamplat cu el.
Dumnezeu, suparat, cheama toti ingerii, si il pune pe ungur s-al recunoasca pe cel cu pricina…
Dupa ce se uita bine, ungurul recunoaste un inger si il arata cu mana: „Ala-i!”
Se uita si Dumnezeu si ii zice: „Bai Funare, bai, iar te tii ba de prostii!”

IV.

Doi secui in tren:
Unul propune celuilalt sa intre in fiecare compartiment sa vada cine nu stie ungureste, sa-l taie cu briceagul.
Intra in primul compartiment, pasagerii joaca carti.
– Ce jucati aici, intraba unul dintre secui ?
– Septica americana, adica ‘Amerikai hetest’,raspunde un calator.
– Acestia stiu ungureste, zice secuiul catre colegul sau, hai sa mergem mai departe. Intra in al doile compartiment unde calatorii tot joaca carti.
– Ce jucati aici ?
– Saizeci si sase, adica ‘Hatvanhat’.
– Si acestia stiu ungureste, hai sa mergem mai departe.
La fel si in compartimentul urmator.
– Ce jucati aici ?
– Popa-prostu’, adica ‘Tokes Laszlo’.

V.

Funar se intoarce la Cluj cu masina de la un congres al PUNR-ului tinut in Bucuresti. In apropiere de Ploiesti simte o zdruncinatura si il intreaba pe sofer ce s-a intamplat.
– Am trecut peste o rata.
– Nu-i nimic, da-i’nainte.
Pe la Brasov iar simte o zdruncinatura si il intreaba pe sofer ce s-a intamplat.
– Am trecut peste o gaina.
– Nu-i nimic, da-i’nainte.
Pe la Tg. Mures se zdruncina iar masina. Soferul ii spune ca a trecut peste un ungur.
– Nu-i nimic, da-i’nainte da-i’napoi, da-i’nainte da-i’napoi…

Sursa: Top Fun

De vazut:

1. Bancuri cu unguri (I)

2. Bancuri de la serviciu (I)

Postat în:Bancuri, Diverse, , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response

  1. Maniu spune:

    The Hungarians
    It is also true that the Hungarians of today look European. But their
    roots are Mongolic.

    From Britannica :(Languages of the world)
    „Racially the Uralic people present an unhomogeneous picture.In
    general they may be considered a bland of Europeans and Mongoloid types,with the more western groups(especially the Hungarians,Baltic-Finnic and Erzya Mardvin
    groups) being strongly European and those of the Urals primarily Mongoloid”.
    From ” De Administrado Imperio”by Constantine Porphyrogenitus
    (Byzantine Emperor,950AD)
    „These eight clans of the TURKS(Hungarians) do not obey their own
    particular princes…,They have for their first chief the prince who comes by succession of Arpad’s family…”
    From „The Mongols” By Jeremiah Curtin
    „Five groups of Mongols have made themselves famous in Europe:The
    Huns with their mighty chief Attila,the Magyars,The Turks or Osmanli,the
    Mongol invaders of Russia…”
    From „The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” By Edward Gibbon.
    „The(Hungarians) are distinguished by the Greeks under the proper and
    peculiar name of Turks, as descendants of that people who had conquered and reigned form China to the Volga (referring to the Mongols)”.
    Gaspar Heltai (1490?-1574) Transylvanian Saxon writer and Painter
    „The Huns, who we call now Magyars, when they lived in Scythia they were all hunters” At 373 they started to fled from Scythia and arrived to Pannonia where they settled near the river Tisza”
    Mahmud Tercüman’s codex. He wrote to the Turkish sultan Suleiman the first at 1543 AD.
    Tercüman gave us a very detailed history how the Huns became Magyars, how they invaded Europe and how they settled to Pannonia later on in a second wave. He gave us direct continuity between Attila and later kings of Hungary, who he consider as one royal dynasty, and its exactly what the older codexes wrote about.
    From „The Cambridge Medieval History” edited by J.H.Hussey.
    „The form ovyypoi,from which are derived the various names current to
    this day among the people of Europe(Old Church Slavonic,UGRI;
    Russian,VENGRI;German,UNGARN;English,HUNGARIANS;French,HONGROIS;Italian,UNGHERESI,and so on)comes from the Turkic ethnic name ONOGUR meaning
    TEN OGUR”
    From „The Thirteenth Tribe” by Arthur Koestler.
    „We also hear of a fearful encounter which St.Cyril, the Apostle of
    the Slav,had with a Magyar horde in 860,on his way to Khazaria.He was
    saying his prayers when they rushed at him luporum more ululantes-HOWLING IN
    THE MANNER OF WOLVES”.
    From „Britannica”(Languages of the world).
    „Recent study indicates that it is posible to speak of a Uralic
    racial type,an intermediate stage between the European and the Mongoloid,the
    basic features of which are medium-dark to dark hair and eye
    colour,relatively small stature and often a concave bridge of the
    nose”.
    From „Britanica” Hungarian.
    „The proto-Hungarians were apparently an ethnic blend of
    Ugric(Mongoloid) and Turkish peoples living in western Siberia…The Hungarians were
    the scourge of Europe,raiding as far afield as Bremen,Orleans and
    Constantinople(the English word OGRE-a men eating man,hideous cruel
    man,is a corruption of HUNGAR,attests to their notoriety).
    From „1000 years of Hungary” By Emil Lengyel.
    „(Hungarian) Folklore speaks about NIMROD the giant,who had two
    sons,HUNOR and HAGAR.The former was the ancestor of the HUNS,and MAGOR was the ancestor of the MAGYARS.”
    „The experience the Magyars left with the Western world was so
    traumatic that even generations later people form the West saw the Hungarians
    as apocalyptic monsters. Bishop Otto of Freysing spoke of the exterior of
    the Hungarians as ‘ferocious’ at the time of the Crusades :(Their eyes
    are sunken,their stature is short,their behavior wild,their language
    barbarous,so that one can either accuse fate or marvel at divine
    patience for having permitted these monsters the possession of an enchanting
    land)”.
    From „History of Hungary” By Denis Sinor
    „Though, geographically speaking, of European origin, the Hungarians
    who settled in the Danube valley were spiritually and materially,
    Asiatics, and belonged to the great Central Euroasiatic cultural family whose
    members lived dispersed form the Danube to China, from Persia and
    India to the Arctic. The Hungarian bows and arrows…were of exactly the same
    type as those used in Central Asia. As nomadic peoples generally do, the
    Hungarians disliked towns, and even houses, to which they preferred
    tents. According to Otto von Freisingen, as late as the middle of the
    twelfth century, summer and autumn were still spent under tents”.
    „It is, however quite certain that the Mongoloid type was well
    represented among them (Hungarians), and that they were, on the whole, of rather
    short stature, with short legs, bowed through continuous riding”.
    From George Kedrenos (12th century).
    (Describing the events which took place in 895).
    „The Emperor had sent the Patrician Skllerous to the Turks WHO were
    CALLED Hungarians (Oungroi) to convince them to cross the Danube and attack the
    Bulgarians…” (At this time the Hungarians used to live somewhere near Bug river,in
    a place called Etel-Kuzu).
    From John Zonnaras (12th century).
    (Describing the events of 895).
    „The Emperor convinced the Turks who lived near Danube and who ARE
    CALLED Hungarians (Oungroi) to start war against the Bulgars”.

    Ahmad ibn Rustah (Xth Cent AD). Persian explorer and geographer

    “The Magyars are a race of Turks and their leader rides out with 20,000 horsemen and this king is called k.nd.h and this name denotes their king, for the name of the man who is actually king over them is ĝ.l.h and all the Magyars accept the orders of their ĝ.l.h in the matter of war and defense and the like.”

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